I'll preface this by saying, I would love to work from home. It's always been my dream to be a freelance "something" like a web developer or something. I would love to set my own schedule and not have to deal with office politics or put on pants. You know, the fun stuff. I would like to advise any Admins out there who want to work from home, do so! We admire you for having that ability.

That being said... get an office (that locks) in your home or send the kids to daycare. If I hear screaming kids in the background and your phone gets cut off in the middle of our conversation I will not attempt to help you. I will tell you whatever you want to hear to get you off the damn phone.

Be reasonable will you? I can't troubleshoot with you if I have to call you back ten times, or if your computer gets turned off by a rambunctious 2 year old. I don't appreciate having to yell to be heard, and let's face it, what person wants to sit by and listen to some poor kid get yelled at or spanked on a BUSINESS phone call?

Keep home separate from work PLEASE.

Labels: advice, baby, call centers, calling, kids, phone, phone support, stupid, support, tech, technical, technical support

The latest news from the The Fun Company Tech support front:

News Flash! Software company removes redundant feature! More at 10'o clock....

So, recently we put out a new version of our software. Lets call it The Bean version 2.0.
It is a piece of software that is run with another program that goes on servers.

In our original software - Jumping Bean v.1 it jumped all on it's own, because the platform we were installed on (called The Table) was flat and unmoving. Recently, The Table was changed to The Trampoline Table and now the jumping component of our Jumping Bean v. 1 is obsolete.

We recently changed the name and removed that functionality, so now it's just "The Bean v2.0". We also have an optional add-on called "SuperJump" that can be purchased at an additional fee.


I had an admin call me yesterday, and this was the basic conversation:



Admin: "So, I found out you took the jump out of the Jumping Bean Software."

Me: "Yes Sir, the regular Jump function no longer exists."

Admin: "I was using that function. Why did you take it out? "

Me: "Well, Sir, because your Table software added the Trampoline function, it does the bouncing now. "

Admin: " I don't like the way my Table software does the bouncing. I want your software to do the bouncing."

Me: "I'm sorry sir, we no longer bounce in this version. But if you like, you can get an extra high bounce by purchasing this add-on called SuperJump .
Or, alternatively, you can uninstall the new The Bean software, and use the old Jumping Bean software instead, or you can also make it jump by hand. "

Admin: "I don't want to pay more. I don't want to make it jump by hand and I don't want to back up to the old version.
I think your company should tell me how to use The Table Trampoline's jump function because you no longer do the jumping."

((Now, remember a few posts back where I gave advice on not asking for advice for a third party program?))

Me: "Mr. Customer, I am not authorized to support the jump feature on your Table Trampoline software. If you would like us to help your beans jump really high, you'll need to get the SuperJump feature in our software."

Admin: "I want you to tell whoever you need to tell that they shouldn't have removed the jump function. I was using that, and it's not fair that you can't tell me how to use the Trampoline function in my Table Trampoline software."


So, this is what happens when software changes. We understand that you are comfortable using the old familiar way. But sometimes that isn't an option. We love that you love our software so much, and we understand that the other guy charges, but that doesn't change the fact that we were doing something that's already being done.

We have a better option, but the better option charges. The reason is because the better option is more of a service, and you get updates every ten minutes. Where before, the option was free, but only getting updates every few months.

Labels: call centers, calling, changes, gone, software, tech, technical, technical support

In case I forget to post before then, I just had to get that out... Now on to today's story:

Frequently I get called because someone isn't able to use their proxy. (We have a proxy that a lot of people use.) Most commonly, the reason it doesn't work is because when they were installing it, the program threw up a wonderful DNS error, and rather than fixing it... they ignore it and continue to install the program.

Three weeks later....

They finish setting it up, only to discover that they can't add LDAP users, or get out to the internet.... Or the program is really really slow.

So I tell them, "Mr. Customer, you need to fix your DNS. Now, understand that DNS is not my area of expertise. I deal purely with the program itself. The issue you are having is clearly a DNS issue, and we know this because <insert lengthy troubleshooting steps here> and your symptoms clearly show that YOU ARE HAVING A DNS ISSUE!. "

"But my DNS is perfect." They always say.

"WHAT!?!? There's no fricken way your DNS is perfect. During our troubleshooting you asked me how to find out what OS you have - you dummy." Oh... sorry... That was the dialog in my head. Not what I said to the customer. hee hee.

Now remember, like I've said before, these people make 2 to 3 times my salary. They are A-D-M-I-N-S and most went to school to get all those useless neat certificates to say how much more superior they are to me.

So then, then I have to go to DNSStuff.com (a neat place to check DNS) and prove to them that they are missing a PTR record, or an A record... or whatever is the case at that point.

Then they understand, and I suggest they call an actual expert, like Microsoft or something. Then they get all hot and bothered because no one wants to PAY for support. That's why they call us first. We're free.

Know what else? We don't troubleshoot DNS!

Labels: admin, call centers, dns, microsoft, question, questions, stupid, tech, technical, technical support

Todays lesson is: Don't ask a question if you're not ready for the answer.

This applies in two ways. One, if you ask a question, pause your talking long enough to hear an answer. Two, if you ask a question that requires I give you information to write down or type, have your keyboard/paper ... READY.

That's all for today.

Labels: be ready, call centers, calling, instructions, listen, listening, phone, phone support, question, support, tech, technical, technical support

You don't have the most current version. Why do you say that if you don't really know?


Ok, so today... today I'm talking to a customer. It's way too early in the morning. I have a headache and the customer didn't help. So I ask him: "What version of -this product- do you have on your system?"


He answers, "I have the latest version. Version 5.0.5.366...." Then he proceeds to talk and talk and talk. It takes him 5 minutes to pause long enough for me to say anything. Come on!


So finally, I can say something, but it's not important right now to tell him that he's an idiot and has like, 4 versions back. No sir. You do not have the most current version. Not by a long shot.


The worst part about this is that this is a common issue. Many many people do exactly the same thing. I can't believe they have the gall to call and not have the information they need ready. Or in the very least, be willing to say they don't know.
I much prefer to hear..."I don't know" and have the customer be willing and ready to find out then the "I have the latest version..." while not actually knowing they do for sure, without even knowing what version they actually have!!

Labels: call centers, calling, calling back, listen, listening, phone, phone support, question, questions, support, tech, technical, technical support, wrong product

A friend of mine pointed this out from Craigslist, Best of, and it fit so well with my theme here I had to post it. This is awesome funny. Kudos to whoever wrote it.
((Note: this is an exact copy, it includes the links back to craigslist.com and the posting number))


best of craigslist > pittsburgh > Things to consider when calling Tech Support...

Originally Posted: Fri, 27 Apr 23:38 EDT

Things to consider when calling Tech Support...
Date: 2007-04-27, 11:38PM EDT


Hi! I'm your Technical Support Rep. I have a considerable amount of control over one or more important aspects of your daily life: television, telephone, and internet. Sometimes one, sometimes all three. Before we interact, I'd like to share some thoughts with you:



* I am here, simply put, to fix your shit. My job is not complete until said shit is fixed. Please just help me fix this shit.

* With that out of the way, know that I hate you exactly as much as you hate me. No more, no less. If you are at least relatively pleasant, I'm happy to help you- even to make small talk as I attend to the issue at hand. Conversely, if you are a total and complete jackass, I will make this the worst 10 minutes of your week.

* Neither I, nor any of my coworkers, are out to fuck you. We are not idiots. We are college graduates in technical disciplines, the vast majority of whom are here to work their way up the IT ladder to more fulfilling positions. Sometimes we have off days, sure, but we know EXACTLY what we are doing. Note that this does not apply to anyone outside of our department. They are, in all reality, idiots who are out to fuck you.

* So you've already unplugged the "internet box" and plugged it back in? Brace yourself, you're going to do it again. Most of the time I do this for a reason...unless you're a dick. Then I do it to see how mad it makes you.

* Don't lie to me- I can tell you have a router. It isn't illegal.

* To those who think they are "computer illiterate": The vast majority of the time, you are lovely customers: Patient, willing to learn, and most importantly, willing to listen. Thank you!

* To those who think they are CompSci PHD's: The vast majority of the time, you are retarded: If you already cycled your equipment and it didn't work, why did it work when I made you do it again? If you are so well educated, stay the hell out of the queue so that people who need help can get it.

* Supervisors don't have a magic wand that they can wave to make everything better. They are governed by the same protocol and use the same utilities as I do. In fact, supervisors are more likely to tell you to fuck off- believe it or not, they have other pressing issues to attend to. If a node goes down, they WILL put those 200 subscribers before you in Priorityland.

* Threatening to cancel does not intimidate us. We have an entire department that is paid to care about that, which means that I don't have to. Harsh? Sure, but I have more than enough work to do fixing shit, yelling at field techs, following up on cases, and explaining the concept of email to your grandmother that it won't cause me to lose any sleep.

* It worked fine yesterday? Oh, then I must be wrong. Let me reconsider the 40 minutes I spent troubleshooting your Win98 box. Check it out: Shit breaks (see point 1); If shit did not break, I would be mowing your lawn instead of sitting in this office.

* Speakerphone? Turn it the fuck off.

* Don't call back and have another rep troubleshoot the same problem. He will read the notes I left about how you spilled coke into your cable box. Even if he didn't, he would come to the same conclusion, and more people with undiagnosed problems would be stuck listening to that god-awful hold music.

* I am not blowing smoke when I say that I understand how frustrating it is to wait on hold, get transferred, and deal with bad agents. I too have called Dell's tech support line. The difference is that I actually DO care about your problem, so please just calm down before I kill your family.

* My company has over 20 million subscribers. I handle a region of about 2 million. To this day, none of them have ever called in to say "I just wanted you to know that my shit is working correctly." Maybe someday?



So what can I help you with today?

* Location: Internet
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


PostingID: 320304562

Copyright © 2007 craigslist, inc. terms of use privacy policy feedback forum

Labels: call centers, calling, calling back, e-mail, guilt, instructions, listen, listening, method, microsoft, phone, phone support, question, questions, support, technical, technical support

Hi! Sorry it's been awhile. I haven't been here for some time because I've been a little busy. I'm working on a book, and have been making some mini-movies, and of course I have multiple blogs that I log to regularly. So here it is.

Today's advice is:
...you need listening skills. When you call support be prepared to listen. Not just talk. On every call I verify what product the person is calling about, because I support six different products, and there are many more that my company makes. Sometimes the customer isn't paying attention and answers me without thinking, which means that they get 5-10 minutes of each of us not understanding what the other is talking about.

Here's an example:

I say: "Thank you for calling FunCompany my name is Reine. Can I get your name please? "
Customer answers: "Joe Bob"
I say: "Can you tell me what company you're calling from?"
Customer answers: "FunCompany Software for my PC"
I say: "Yes, I understand that you need support for the FunCompany software, but what company do you work for? I need that information for verification..."
Customer answers: "OH! You mean MY company... I'm calling on behalf of ID10T company."
I say: "Thank you. I'm showing here that you are calling about the FunCompany Jumping Bean Software, is that correct?"
Customer answers: "Yes."
I say: "Ok, how can I help you with that?"
Customer answers: "Well, my Magic beans aren't growing a beanstalk."
I say: "Well, our jumping beans don't grow beanstalks."
Customer says: "Well, I bought this FunCompany product and it's not growing beanstalks. I know its supposed to grow beanstalks. I even put it in dirt."
I say: "Are you calling about the FunCompany Jack n' The Beanstalk Software?"
Customer says: "Yeah, that's the product I need help with."
I say: "Well, then you're on the wrong line. Let me transfer you to the FunCompany Jack n' The Beanstalk Software support queue."

........End.

Ok, so that's the end of my example. See what I mean? Had he listened to begin with he would have saved himself alot of time and aggrivation.

Labels: call centers, calling, instructions, listen, listening, phone support, question, questions, tech, technical, technical support, wrong product

Today's advice is: Don't take shortcuts.

Follow the instructions even though they don't make full sense. If you have to know why they are how they are, then ask. Then follow the instructions.



I had a young woman contact me today about registering her product. The process involved knowing enough about her network to be able to get past her proxy/firewall for the registration. Short of being able to do that, she needed to be able to type a long command prompt-style string to bypass the proxy/firewall.

I sent her a copy of it so she could literally copy/paste most of it, but there were a few places where she'd need to fill in the appropriate information. Unfortunately for her, it required full path information to the files she was trying to use.

Every time she got to one of those variables instead of typing the full path:

c:\example folder\example.exe

She would attempt to use a system variable:

%drive%:\example folder\%filename%

Or some such nonsense.



Now, that may be ok in some circumstances, but the instructions clearly stated that she need the fully qualified path.

In the end, the process failed. Even after I tried time and time again to get her to put in the correct information.

She could have saved herself alot of time and aggravation by just filling in the correct information the first time instead of trying to buck the system. Those instructions are there for a reason. If you knew how to do it your way then why are you calling for help??? Because you don't know how.


So, the moral of the story is:

Capitalize on someone else's experience and do it the tried and true way. Don't try to be a hero.

Labels: call centers, calling, instructions, method, question, questions, support, tech, technical, technical support

Hi to all you good people out there! I'm back with a new tale of woe for those wonderful Admins out there!

So the topic for today is asking someone else for what you didn't get from me!
If you've called support before and then called back in later for another question, then you are aware that from time to time you'll get inconsistent information. This happens in all support, it's not just ABC company, or XYZ company. It doesn't matter if the support is in the U.S., England, Japan, or India. The main reason for this is that there's almost always more than one way to tackle a problem. So if you call in saying that your computer's monitor doesn't show any pictures, there may be more than one way to look at it.

1. Did you plug it in?
2. Did you turn it on?
3. Is the screen broken?
4. Do you have the appropriate drivers?
5. Is your OS experiencing problems?
6. etc....

Ok, now if on one call you did 1 and 2, then logically on the next call you'd move on to #3. Or possibly, because customers are notorious for giving their support person invalid info, you may go back over 1 and 2 in a different way before getting to number 3. This is called t-r-o-u-b-l-e-s-h-o-o-t-i-n-g.
Once you get a final answer, though, and it's no longer troubleshooting, then the answer you get is the answer you get, and it's most likely not going to change. Don't call back just to get a new answer.
We understand fully if you want to get at it from a different angle, or if you have new info you didn't get to us last time, that makes sense

If I tell you on your first call that your monitor has a crack in it and needs to be replaced, you're not going to hear something different by calling back 5 minutes later and telling someone the same story.

So don't ask Mom to give you something different from Dad. The rules are the same for everybody. If your monitor is cracked, calling 10 times is not going to change that fact. If there's something you need to do, do it. Then call us back with more information!

Labels: call centers, calling back, phone support, support, tech, technical, technical support

Ok, I work in a call center-like environment. I get calls from people who've been on hold for an hour. They are upset because of the amount of time that they were on hold, so in retribution they hold you up asking lists of dumb, time-consuming questions or insisting that you hold their hand through the simplest of procedures.
They never seem to understand that our hold times would be shorter if they didn't create a laundry list and expect every whim to be fulfilled just because they had to sit for an extra 10 minutes on hold.
We understand you've been waiting a long time and we would love to help you as fast as possible, but if you take your time and stall for no real reason, you will be the reason that someone else will do the same thing. If you want faster service be kind to those behind you in line and limit your call to the issue at hand. Save the laundry list of items for your user guide or online/email support.
If you absolutely must call in for support, in the case of the documentation not fulfilling your needs, try to call very early in the morning. Morning hours are the best times to get support - every place I've ever worked in support was always dead during the first hour. If you choose to call at lunch time, expect to be on hold for 30 - 60 minutes at least. This is especially the case within the first month after a new version of your software is released, or right after a national holiday.
If you're looking for a good day to call in, the day before Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter. Also, if your support center is open on weekends or other travel holidays, call in on those days.

Have a great day and enjoy calling!

Labels: call centers, calling, holidays, phone, phone support, tech, technical, technical support