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Everyday I get someone who asks me to make a recommendation on what they should do with their software. They don't like making their own choices. Basically they want the program to do everything they need it to do out of the box or they want to call up and have us tell them exactly what to click.

This is a lot like going to a store and expecting the cashier to tell you what you should buy. Especially after all you've told them is that you have a three-bedroom house and a car. So, ok, the cashier figures you should buy some wool carpets, and maybe a couch? So you the customer dutifully go off and put those things in your cart and take them home.

... when you get home you realize that you already have a couch! And upon carrying in the rug you find that you are allergic to wool and now you're itching all over.

Now, you are an unhappy customer and you go back to the store and complain to the cashier's manager that you bought these things, one you didn't need and the other that caused you problems, and it's the cashier's fault for telling you to buy these things.

Yeah, right.

Don't get me wrong. I have no problem guiding someone in how to use the program. I also am happy to tell them how to do a specific action they want, when they don't know how. Using my previous example, in which I am the cashier...

Customer: I want to be able to put drinks and my tv remote on something in my living room.
Me: Ok, the purchase you need to make for what you are asking for would typically be a coffee table. Do you have room for a coffee table?
Customer: I think I do.
Me: Ok, you go to department 5 to get the coffee table. When you get it home, make sure you set it on it's legs.
Customer: Thanks, that's all I needed.

See? See how easy that is? The customer told me what he wanted and I told him how to get it!

The things you as a customer need to know before you ask me these kinds of questions:

1. What is my environment like? (In the case of computers this means... how much RAM do I have? What kind of CPU do I have? Do I have other software running on this machine?)
2. What do I want this software to do?
3. Am I prepared to work? (Meaning, at the computer and without other distractions)

So, Mr. Admin, call support! But don't ask them to make up your policies for you or do all your work! That's what you get paid for!!

Labels: admin, advice, phone, phone support, question, questions, ram, requirements, software, support, system, technical, technical support

I got feedback today, for a customer I'd talked to that took issue with my answer to her question.

She originally called, saying that she'd recently installed some new MS patches, and since then she'd been having trouble with her system. Things were flowing slowly.

She had stopped our services, and suddenly the problem went away - but let's get this straight - she recently installed a ton of new patches.

I had asked her what patches she installed, but mentioned that this was most likely something she'd have to ask MS about. She didn't know what patches she'd gotten. There were too many of them. I told her that I would be happy to see if there were any issues with our software and her patches, but I needed to know what they were. She just didn't know.

I said, ok, well maybe something we're dependent on was changed while we were installed. A big no-no with our software. I offered up a couple things that would have made my program go haywire and do weird stuff.

She pin pointed one and said that she had indeed done an update to it. So I suggested that she reinstall our product so that we could reassociate with the latest changes.

I offered some other things we could do to troubleshoot, but she said that she couldn't do them right now, as she needed permission to do them.

So, uh, no troubleshooting? You're saying you called and expected me to press the magic button?? Lady, I can't pull an answer out of my butt with the information you gave me. You gave me nothing!

So I have her go off and do the uninstall/reinstall and suggested that if that doesn't work, she can get back in touch with me via email.

...

A few days pass and she calls back in, and gets the next guy in line. She lets him troubleshoot. They go back and forth a bit till he figures out what's wrong.

...

She then emailed a supervisor here, and said that she'd called MS and they charged her $500 bucks and it's all my fault because I was not listening to her.

...

No lady, I don't have the magic button. It's not my fault that I gave you that answer, seeing as you gave me the information I used to give you that answer. You don't want to troubleshoot? Then don't complain when I give you a lame answer and your issue is not resolved.

Labels: microsoft, MS, phone, phone support, question, questions, stupid, support, technical, technical support, vague, windows

My customer called me today, because something he has set up is doing what it's supposed to be doing and he doesn't like that. He had set his system to alert him whenever it got to a certain threshold, and then delete the oldest item when the threshold was met. He didn't like the alerts, because it was freaking out his client. lol

I explained to the customer that this is expected behavior, but he didn't believe me. He wanted me to go through all of his settings to make sure they were set up correctly.

We looked at his settings, in this case it was a threshold, it had...

...these three things:

Number of items:
1500
1000
500

Maximum size: KBMB

How long to keep?
90
60
30 days.

... and he wanted me to explain what these values mean. What do you think these values mean?? I thought it was pretty obvious.
So, I explained it all to him including the other options on the page, and he still didn't completely get it.

Labels: calling, changes, questions, stupid, support, tech, technical, technical support

In case I forget to post before then, I just had to get that out... Now on to today's story:

Frequently I get called because someone isn't able to use their proxy. (We have a proxy that a lot of people use.) Most commonly, the reason it doesn't work is because when they were installing it, the program threw up a wonderful DNS error, and rather than fixing it... they ignore it and continue to install the program.

Three weeks later....

They finish setting it up, only to discover that they can't add LDAP users, or get out to the internet.... Or the program is really really slow.

So I tell them, "Mr. Customer, you need to fix your DNS. Now, understand that DNS is not my area of expertise. I deal purely with the program itself. The issue you are having is clearly a DNS issue, and we know this because <insert lengthy troubleshooting steps here> and your symptoms clearly show that YOU ARE HAVING A DNS ISSUE!. "

"But my DNS is perfect." They always say.

"WHAT!?!? There's no fricken way your DNS is perfect. During our troubleshooting you asked me how to find out what OS you have - you dummy." Oh... sorry... That was the dialog in my head. Not what I said to the customer. hee hee.

Now remember, like I've said before, these people make 2 to 3 times my salary. They are A-D-M-I-N-S and most went to school to get all those useless neat certificates to say how much more superior they are to me.

So then, then I have to go to DNSStuff.com (a neat place to check DNS) and prove to them that they are missing a PTR record, or an A record... or whatever is the case at that point.

Then they understand, and I suggest they call an actual expert, like Microsoft or something. Then they get all hot and bothered because no one wants to PAY for support. That's why they call us first. We're free.

Know what else? We don't troubleshoot DNS!

Labels: admin, call centers, dns, microsoft, question, questions, stupid, tech, technical, technical support

You don't have the most current version. Why do you say that if you don't really know?


Ok, so today... today I'm talking to a customer. It's way too early in the morning. I have a headache and the customer didn't help. So I ask him: "What version of -this product- do you have on your system?"


He answers, "I have the latest version. Version 5.0.5.366...." Then he proceeds to talk and talk and talk. It takes him 5 minutes to pause long enough for me to say anything. Come on!


So finally, I can say something, but it's not important right now to tell him that he's an idiot and has like, 4 versions back. No sir. You do not have the most current version. Not by a long shot.


The worst part about this is that this is a common issue. Many many people do exactly the same thing. I can't believe they have the gall to call and not have the information they need ready. Or in the very least, be willing to say they don't know.
I much prefer to hear..."I don't know" and have the customer be willing and ready to find out then the "I have the latest version..." while not actually knowing they do for sure, without even knowing what version they actually have!!

Labels: call centers, calling, calling back, listen, listening, phone, phone support, question, questions, support, tech, technical, technical support, wrong product

A friend of mine pointed this out from Craigslist, Best of, and it fit so well with my theme here I had to post it. This is awesome funny. Kudos to whoever wrote it.
((Note: this is an exact copy, it includes the links back to craigslist.com and the posting number))


best of craigslist > pittsburgh > Things to consider when calling Tech Support...

Originally Posted: Fri, 27 Apr 23:38 EDT

Things to consider when calling Tech Support...
Date: 2007-04-27, 11:38PM EDT


Hi! I'm your Technical Support Rep. I have a considerable amount of control over one or more important aspects of your daily life: television, telephone, and internet. Sometimes one, sometimes all three. Before we interact, I'd like to share some thoughts with you:



* I am here, simply put, to fix your shit. My job is not complete until said shit is fixed. Please just help me fix this shit.

* With that out of the way, know that I hate you exactly as much as you hate me. No more, no less. If you are at least relatively pleasant, I'm happy to help you- even to make small talk as I attend to the issue at hand. Conversely, if you are a total and complete jackass, I will make this the worst 10 minutes of your week.

* Neither I, nor any of my coworkers, are out to fuck you. We are not idiots. We are college graduates in technical disciplines, the vast majority of whom are here to work their way up the IT ladder to more fulfilling positions. Sometimes we have off days, sure, but we know EXACTLY what we are doing. Note that this does not apply to anyone outside of our department. They are, in all reality, idiots who are out to fuck you.

* So you've already unplugged the "internet box" and plugged it back in? Brace yourself, you're going to do it again. Most of the time I do this for a reason...unless you're a dick. Then I do it to see how mad it makes you.

* Don't lie to me- I can tell you have a router. It isn't illegal.

* To those who think they are "computer illiterate": The vast majority of the time, you are lovely customers: Patient, willing to learn, and most importantly, willing to listen. Thank you!

* To those who think they are CompSci PHD's: The vast majority of the time, you are retarded: If you already cycled your equipment and it didn't work, why did it work when I made you do it again? If you are so well educated, stay the hell out of the queue so that people who need help can get it.

* Supervisors don't have a magic wand that they can wave to make everything better. They are governed by the same protocol and use the same utilities as I do. In fact, supervisors are more likely to tell you to fuck off- believe it or not, they have other pressing issues to attend to. If a node goes down, they WILL put those 200 subscribers before you in Priorityland.

* Threatening to cancel does not intimidate us. We have an entire department that is paid to care about that, which means that I don't have to. Harsh? Sure, but I have more than enough work to do fixing shit, yelling at field techs, following up on cases, and explaining the concept of email to your grandmother that it won't cause me to lose any sleep.

* It worked fine yesterday? Oh, then I must be wrong. Let me reconsider the 40 minutes I spent troubleshooting your Win98 box. Check it out: Shit breaks (see point 1); If shit did not break, I would be mowing your lawn instead of sitting in this office.

* Speakerphone? Turn it the fuck off.

* Don't call back and have another rep troubleshoot the same problem. He will read the notes I left about how you spilled coke into your cable box. Even if he didn't, he would come to the same conclusion, and more people with undiagnosed problems would be stuck listening to that god-awful hold music.

* I am not blowing smoke when I say that I understand how frustrating it is to wait on hold, get transferred, and deal with bad agents. I too have called Dell's tech support line. The difference is that I actually DO care about your problem, so please just calm down before I kill your family.

* My company has over 20 million subscribers. I handle a region of about 2 million. To this day, none of them have ever called in to say "I just wanted you to know that my shit is working correctly." Maybe someday?



So what can I help you with today?

* Location: Internet
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests


PostingID: 320304562

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Labels: call centers, calling, calling back, e-mail, guilt, instructions, listen, listening, method, microsoft, phone, phone support, question, questions, support, technical, technical support

Hi! Sorry it's been awhile. I haven't been here for some time because I've been a little busy. I'm working on a book, and have been making some mini-movies, and of course I have multiple blogs that I log to regularly. So here it is.

Today's advice is:
...you need listening skills. When you call support be prepared to listen. Not just talk. On every call I verify what product the person is calling about, because I support six different products, and there are many more that my company makes. Sometimes the customer isn't paying attention and answers me without thinking, which means that they get 5-10 minutes of each of us not understanding what the other is talking about.

Here's an example:

I say: "Thank you for calling FunCompany my name is Reine. Can I get your name please? "
Customer answers: "Joe Bob"
I say: "Can you tell me what company you're calling from?"
Customer answers: "FunCompany Software for my PC"
I say: "Yes, I understand that you need support for the FunCompany software, but what company do you work for? I need that information for verification..."
Customer answers: "OH! You mean MY company... I'm calling on behalf of ID10T company."
I say: "Thank you. I'm showing here that you are calling about the FunCompany Jumping Bean Software, is that correct?"
Customer answers: "Yes."
I say: "Ok, how can I help you with that?"
Customer answers: "Well, my Magic beans aren't growing a beanstalk."
I say: "Well, our jumping beans don't grow beanstalks."
Customer says: "Well, I bought this FunCompany product and it's not growing beanstalks. I know its supposed to grow beanstalks. I even put it in dirt."
I say: "Are you calling about the FunCompany Jack n' The Beanstalk Software?"
Customer says: "Yeah, that's the product I need help with."
I say: "Well, then you're on the wrong line. Let me transfer you to the FunCompany Jack n' The Beanstalk Software support queue."

........End.

Ok, so that's the end of my example. See what I mean? Had he listened to begin with he would have saved himself alot of time and aggrivation.

Labels: call centers, calling, instructions, listen, listening, phone support, question, questions, tech, technical, technical support, wrong product

Today's advice is: Don't take shortcuts.

Follow the instructions even though they don't make full sense. If you have to know why they are how they are, then ask. Then follow the instructions.



I had a young woman contact me today about registering her product. The process involved knowing enough about her network to be able to get past her proxy/firewall for the registration. Short of being able to do that, she needed to be able to type a long command prompt-style string to bypass the proxy/firewall.

I sent her a copy of it so she could literally copy/paste most of it, but there were a few places where she'd need to fill in the appropriate information. Unfortunately for her, it required full path information to the files she was trying to use.

Every time she got to one of those variables instead of typing the full path:

c:\example folder\example.exe

She would attempt to use a system variable:

%drive%:\example folder\%filename%

Or some such nonsense.



Now, that may be ok in some circumstances, but the instructions clearly stated that she need the fully qualified path.

In the end, the process failed. Even after I tried time and time again to get her to put in the correct information.

She could have saved herself alot of time and aggravation by just filling in the correct information the first time instead of trying to buck the system. Those instructions are there for a reason. If you knew how to do it your way then why are you calling for help??? Because you don't know how.


So, the moral of the story is:

Capitalize on someone else's experience and do it the tried and true way. Don't try to be a hero.

Labels: call centers, calling, instructions, method, question, questions, support, tech, technical, technical support

Asking the same question twice doesn't change the answer. Asking it in a new and different way, does NOT change the answer. Here's an example:

1. My dog Fluffy went to the dog barber. When he comes back can his hair be cut differently?
2. When my dog Fluffy goes to the dog barber will he come back with a different hair cut if I ask him to cut it differently?
3. Next time I send Fluffy to the dog hair cut guy I would like his hair to be styled differently with a cutting implement. Is that an option?
4. If dog barbers cut dogs' hair does that mean Fluffy will have a new hair cut when I send him there?

The answer to all of these is:

If you request for your dog's hair to be cut differently from the dog barber, it will be.

So please, if you call me for support, don't think you're so smart that you can change the question to get a different answer.
If you want a different answer..... ask a DIFFERENT QUESTION.

Labels: dog barber, phone, phone support, question, questions, technical, technical support

Today is the day that I address the problem of being vague.



I'm going to try to use examples, but because I don't want to reveal actual people, I'm going to replace parts of the examples with something else. For this one I'm going to use a VCR and TV.


Customer: "I would like to configure my TV, my remote, and my VCR."
Me: "Ok Mr. Customer, what would you like to configure it to do?"
Customer: "Well, I currently have my remote in my hand, and my TV is on."
Me: "Well, Mr. Customer, did you have a question regarding the remote? "
Customer: "I've turned my tv on, and I want to change my settings on my VCR to make my TV blink. I also want my recordings to be taped on certain days. I'd like my TV to do that."
Me: "Mr. Customer, these two items are not related in that way. You are able to change settings on the TV if you would like to make it blink. The settings for the tapings need to be changed on the VCR."
Customer: "But that's not what the VCR tech told me!"
Me: "I'm sorry Mr. Customer, but the VCR is what determines the times that tapings get done."
The customer, irate at this point requests to talk to another person. He doesn't feel that I've given him the correct information, and swears the programs are related to eachother.
Me: "Ok, I can transfer you back into the queue if you'd like, but there's a possiblity that you may get me again."
Customer: "Fine. I just don't think you're understanding me."
So I transferred him.

--end--


So, this customer didn't really know what he wanted or what to ask for. This is an example of being vague. This is also an example of not-knowing-what-you-want-itis. On a side note, the calls I take are from network administrators. These folks should already know how frustrating it is to get a call or email from someone asking for something that means nothing, or calling for help and never saying what they want.

I've had at least three people call me with vague-itis today. When you don't know what you want, you frustrate the person you're calling to for help. You won't get anything taken care of. If you want to talk to a technician, make a list. Make a list before you call! Decide what questions you'd like to ask. Determine what direction you'd like to go. Read the documentation that comes with your item and use that as a spring board to get what you want.

Just remember, we really do want to help you get what you want if its within our power to achieve. We just want to know what it is!

Labels: listen, phone, phone support, question, questions, stupid, support, tech, technical, technical support, vague

Everyday I have someone who calls and asks me something so inane I can hardly believe they are calling me. In every piece of software I've ever worked with there is always some sort of documentation that comes with the software that explains how to use it.


Almost always in plain english, all you need to do is follow the instructions. Still, some folks out there won't be able to follow the directions, either because they don't know enough about their operating system (OS) or because they just don't want to. The first of which I can tolerate, but the second..... well, lets just say they should just return the product.


When calling technical support, or heck, lets be crazy... ANY kind of phone support for a piece of software, a device, or even your lawnmower, show that you have some sense, and at least skim through the manual in an attempt to find your answer. If there's a webpage for the company, search there. If there is a forum or bulletin board, search there. The last one is very helpful, in almost all cases, someone else has already asked this question. All of these solutions, even doing all of them in consecutive order will save you umpteen hours of waiting on hold.


So please, save yourself from frustration, and don't call a phone support rep to find out how to do the average normal settings that are in your users' manual. The only exception to this rule, is that you've lost the book, and need a new copy. We are happy to provide these.


That's my rant for today. Have a good weekend!

Labels: admin, advice, help, how to, instructions, questions, software, support, system, technical, technical support